Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
