i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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