That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
