Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
