Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
