I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
