i need an iv and a liver transplant
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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