I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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