I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize