My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
