11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
