I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
