Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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