he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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