he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
