Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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