You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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