I am midnight drunk by noon
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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