I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
