I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Randomize