I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
