I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
