Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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