Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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