I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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