can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
