I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
