Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
