do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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