i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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