i may or may not be watching the land before time
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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