So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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