I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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