these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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