i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I can't trust your balls anymore.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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