i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
