you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
