Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Randomize
