ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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