Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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