Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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