the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
