Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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