He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize