3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
