dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
