Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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