dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
