the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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