What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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