You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize