lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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