He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
