Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
