I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Randomize
