...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
