Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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