She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
