Your mouth is God's brothel.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Randomize
