im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
