im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
