I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
