So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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