You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
